21 June 2007

Ugly Jeans

Today, a guy in our office wore the ugliest pair of jeans there ever was. Till I set my eyes on this pair, first prize was for the one worn by a plumber in our building. The plumber's jeans were dull blue in color, caked with dirt and grease, were artificially faded (the fading done in the jeans factory, where the back and front of your thighs are bleached white to give it a faded look, while the rest is blue in color), and it had a lot of ball-point-pen graffiti written all over, even on the back of his thigh and on his butt pockets. You name it, and that guy had written it on his jeans... "I Love ____"s, a million heart shapes, someone's name and mobile number, etc.. Hell, he even had scribbled down measurements. I strongly suspect he's the guy who scribbles "I Love You Pooja" all over the walls of our apartment lift.

Anyway, like I said, this guy in our office today elevated ugliness to an art form. His pair of jeans was...

Lemme stroll towards him, shoot the crap with him for a minute and soak in the details...


His jeans are also blue in color, an ugly blue, and had tiny irregular patterns all over like TV-white-noise, and had this unreal whitish-yellow (pus-colored) artificial fading.

It was a close call deciding the winner, because, even though they were more or less equally matched and the plumber had a slight advantage because of the graffiti, the colleague won because his ticket and butt pockets were made of rexine, resembling cheap leather, and were light-brown in color!!!

You just have to see these pair of jeans to believe what I'm saying! Rexine pockets stitched over a pair of jeans, and artificial fading the color of pus... how can he NOT win??

Anyway, I can almost imagine some designer spending time on designing this goddam thing, and showing it to the jeans factory boss. The boss would've been thrilled with it and would've approved it, and then they'd have manufactured these jeans by getting rexine from somewhere. And when they distributed these jeans to the shops, the shop keeper must have been blind enough to accept this monstrosity. And then comes along my colleague to the shop, looking to buy a pair of jeans, looking at different ones before choosing this, of all things. He must have looked at it, tried it on, even worried a little about whether it fit him well or not, then deciding that it fit him just fine, would have bargained for this. Bargaining for the ugliest pair of jeans in the world has gotta be the most depressing thing in the world. Anyway, I wonder if the shopkeeper had secretly smirked at him when packing it, glad that one more of these ugly jeans were gone.

And what would've happened when he went home to show it to his wife or kids, i.e., if he was married or something? Would the wife and kids disown him because of this? Or whenever they go out, would they kind of shy away, embarassed, whenever someone they knew approached them? Or was it the wife or kids who had actually suggested this pair of jeans out of revenge for something he had done, like not buying the kids chocolate or something?

Anyway, I'd probably go on and on about this, so I'll stop.

If any of you have seen an uglier pair of jeans and want to prove me wrong, please leave a comment.

Anyway, I'll try taking a photo of his jeans secretly, so that I can put it up here.

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